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Glen
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SGC has now entered the 21st Century as we now have broadband at the Golf Club!!!
14 June 2010 - Sitting on the SGC Wi-Fi Network!
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Newshound
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The photo in this weeks paper shows another classic Furry portrait pose! Beezer! 
20 May 2010
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Glen
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Awesome piece in I'm a bad golfer Bri! Did I tell you that I was in that same bunker just a few minutes before Mr McF and flopped it out and into the hole for a birdie????
19 May 2010
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Joe Kerr
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It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early
dismissal.
Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can
leave early today."
Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."
Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."
Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."
Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.
Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."
Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."
Johnny is even madder than before.
Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."
Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."
Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the
questions.
When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"
The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"
Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"
16 December 2009
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Glen
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Just a short note to thank everybody for their assistance over my 2 year stint as Captain:
- Rae, DK and John Leask for their tremendously hard work over the season to get the course into as fantastic condition
- Jean for being so helpful and adaptable
- The ladies for helping with the food at the open and being happy to work around some of our competitions
- The sponsors of all of the cmpetitions for their support, without whom we wouldn't have anything to play for!
- Brian for all of his hard work on the brilliant website
- Everybody else that have helped in any way
- My committee for all of their excellent support and hard work
- And last but certainly not least, Elspeth for her support over two years that have seen me having spend increasing periods away with work, then come home and go straight to the club for a meeting or competition. Without her support I certainly couldn't have done it.
It has been a real honour. Thanks.
29 October 2009
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Glen
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Time to get your trophies into Cecil at Wisharts for engraving folks!
30 September 2009
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Gary and Jill Allen
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We recently played your course (several times) when on our recent holiday. Just a quick note to say just how much we enjoyed it. What a wonderfully picturesque course and in such fantastic condition. All in all a great credit to the Club and your green staff who obviously do a superb job. We cannot wait to pay another visit and play again. Many thanks, Gary and Jill.
12 August 2009 - North Lincolnshire
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Basil Leask
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Many thanks for your hospitality over the SGC open, much appreciated.
B B R V and T
4 August 2009 - Shetland
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terry
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the people who live in dubai apparently dont like the flintstones.. but the people in AbuDhabi Doo
9 July 2009 - flat county
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BiG StoFF
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Thanks from the dozen or so members of Orkney Rugby Club for hosting the ORFC golf tournament on Sunday, we all had a great day! Thanks to Glen for arranging the weather, they say the sun shines on the righteous or something.... Cheers again!!
15 June 2009
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Glen
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Awesome pics of the winners Bri! I think you should airbrush Furry into the OMPC one sitting on Jackies hands!
2 June 2009
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Michael P
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A French doctor said, 'Medicine in my country is so advanced, we can take a kidney out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks'.
A German doctor said, 'That's nothing! In Germany, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks'.
A Russian doctor said, 'In my country medicine is so advanced, we can take half a heart from one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks'.
The English doctor said 'That's nothing we can take two arse holes out of Scotland, put them in 10 & 11 Downing Street and have half the country looking for work almost immediately'.
30 April 2009 - Stromness
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Ian
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RE:- I'm a Bad Golfer... Shug hopes to be visiting soon, get the duct tape ready!
30 April 2009 - Tillicoultry
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Glen
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This par 3 makes the 15th look a doddle! www.youtube.com/watch?v=b3_W_JryhR0&feature=player_embedded
3 April 2009
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Joe Kerr
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Twa Aberdonian farmers, Tam and Rab, are sitting in the Farmers bar drinking beer. Tam turns to Rab and says, 'Ye ken fit? I'm tired o'gan through life athoot an education. I'morn, I think I'll go doon to the squeel and sign up for some nicht classes.' Rab thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave. The next day Tam goes down to the school and meets the Lecturer, who signs him up for the four basic classes:Maths, English, History, and Logic.
'Logic?' Tam says. 'Fit's at?'
The Lecturer says, 'I'll show you. Do you own a Strimmer?'
'Aye'
' Then logically because you own a Strimmer, I think that you have a Garden. '
Tam replies, 'At's true, I div hae a Gairden.'
I'm not done,' the Lecturer says. 'Because you have a Garden, I think logically that you would have a house.'
'Aye, I dee huv a hoose.'
'And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family.'
'I hiv a femily.'
'I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife.'
'Man! Yer nae wrang!! I div hae a wife!!'
'And because you have a wife, then logically you must be a heterosexual.'
'I am that! a heterosexual. That's amazin'!! You were able to find a' that oot, jist 'cos huv a strimmer.'
Excited to take the class now, Tam shakes the Lecturers's hand and leaves to meet Rab at the pub. He tells Rab about his classes, how he is signed up for Maths, English, History and Logic.
'Logic?' Rab says, 'Fit's at?'
Tam says, 'I'll show ye. Do you huv a strimmer?'
'No.'
'Weel then, ye must be a poof.'
27 March 2009
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Joe Kerr
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Peter invited his mother for dinner, during the course of the meal; his mother couldn't help but notice how lovely Peter's flat mate, Joanne, was.
She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Peter and his flat mate than met the eye.
Reading his mum's thoughts, Peter volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Joanne & I are just flat mates'.
About a week later, Joanne came to Peter saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the frying pan, you don't suppose she took it do you?
'Well I doubt it, but I'll e-mail her just to be sure' said Peter.
So he sat down and wrote
DEAR MOTHER,
I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DID' TAKE THE FRYING PAN FROM MY HOUSE. I'M NOT
SAYING THAT YOU 'DID NOT' TAKE THE FRYING PAN BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IT
HAS BEEN MISSING EVER SINCE YOU WERE HERE FOR DINNER.
LOVE PETER
Several days later, Peter received an email from his mother which read
DEAR SON,
I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DO' SLEEP WITH JOANNE, AND I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU
'DO NOT' SLEEP WITH JOANNE, BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IF SHE WAS SLEEPING IN
HER OWN BED, SHE WOULD HAVE FOUND THE F**KING FRYING PAN BY NOW.
LOVE MUM
Lesson of the day, - NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER
4 February 2009
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Sponge
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What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?
Eileen
Thats the last one for now, I promise
2 February 2009 - Stromness
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Sponge
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Two cats had swimming race, the 1,2,3 cat and the une, deux, trois cat which one won?
The 1,2,3 cat because the une, deux, trois cat sank
2 February 2009 - Stromness
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Sponge
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Had a weird dream last night. I dreamt I was the author of Lord of the Rings.
Turned out I was Tolkien in my sleep.
2 February 2009 - stromness
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Glen
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Thanks to everyone who made the effor to attend the AGM and a special thanks to those who agreed to either join are stay on "the front line" for the coming season.
Here's to as much fun this coming year as we had last year!
26 January 2009
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Glen
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The Men's Section AGM is on the 25th of Jan at 2PM. Please pass the word. It would be good to ahve as large a turn out as possible.
12 January 2009
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Sponge
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What does a napkin say when it's not ready to play tennis?
Dont serviette
17 December 2008 - Stromness
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Sponge
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What is a Shih-Tzu?
One with no animals 
17 December 2008 - Stromness
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Joe Kerr
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THE ROOM WAS FULL OF PREGNANT WOMEN WITH THEIR PARTNERS.
THE CLASS WAS IN FULL SWING.
THE INSTRUCTOR WAS TEACHING THE WOMEN HOW TO BREATHE PROPERLY AND WAS TELLING THE MEN HOW TO GIVE THE NECESSARY ASSURANCE TO THEIR PARTNERS AT THIS STAGE OF THE PREGNANCY.
SHE SAID " LADIES, REMEMBER THAT EXERCISE IS GOOD FOR YOU.
WALKING IS ESPECIALLY BENEFICIAL. IT STRENGTHENS THE PELVIC MUSCLES AND WILL MAKE DELIVERY THAT MUCH EASIER!"
SHE LOOKED AT THE MEN IN THE ROOM, "AND GENTLEMEN, REMEMBER -- YOU'RE IN THIS TOGETHER --- IT WOULDN'T HURT YOU TO GO WALKING WITH HER."
THE ROOM SUDDENLY GOT VERY QUIET AS THE MEN ABSORBED THIS INFORMATION.
THEN A MAN AT THE BACK OF THE ROOM SLOWLY RAISED HIS HAND.
"YES?" ANSWERED THE TEACHER.
"I WAS JUST WONDERING. IS IT ALL RIGHT IF SHE CARRIES A GOLF BAG WHILE WE WALK?"
16 December 2008
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terry lee
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superbio news ... congrats to brian and helen... might even let up a bit on the robbie williams jokes for a while..... not
4 November 2008 - diss
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