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BiG StoFF
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Thanks from the dozen or so members of Orkney Rugby Club for hosting the ORFC golf tournament on Sunday, we all had a great day! Thanks to Glen for arranging the weather, they say the sun shines on the righteous or something.... Cheers again!!
15 June 2009
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Glen
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Awesome pics of the winners Bri! I think you should airbrush Furry into the OMPC one sitting on Jackies hands!
2 June 2009
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Michael P
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A French doctor said, 'Medicine in my country is so advanced, we can take a kidney out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks'.
A German doctor said, 'That's nothing! In Germany, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks'.
A Russian doctor said, 'In my country medicine is so advanced, we can take half a heart from one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks'.
The English doctor said 'That's nothing we can take two arse holes out of Scotland, put them in 10 & 11 Downing Street and have half the country looking for work almost immediately'.
30 April 2009 - Stromness
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Ian
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RE:- I'm a Bad Golfer... Shug hopes to be visiting soon, get the duct tape ready!
30 April 2009 - Tillicoultry
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Glen
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This par 3 makes the 15th look a doddle! www.youtube.com/watch?v=b3_W_JryhR0&feature=player_embedded
3 April 2009
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Joe Kerr
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Twa Aberdonian farmers, Tam and Rab, are sitting in the Farmers bar drinking beer. Tam turns to Rab and says, 'Ye ken fit? I'm tired o'gan through life athoot an education. I'morn, I think I'll go doon to the squeel and sign up for some nicht classes.' Rab thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave. The next day Tam goes down to the school and meets the Lecturer, who signs him up for the four basic classes:Maths, English, History, and Logic.
'Logic?' Tam says. 'Fit's at?'
The Lecturer says, 'I'll show you. Do you own a Strimmer?'
'Aye'
' Then logically because you own a Strimmer, I think that you have a Garden. '
Tam replies, 'At's true, I div hae a Gairden.'
I'm not done,' the Lecturer says. 'Because you have a Garden, I think logically that you would have a house.'
'Aye, I dee huv a hoose.'
'And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family.'
'I hiv a femily.'
'I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife.'
'Man! Yer nae wrang!! I div hae a wife!!'
'And because you have a wife, then logically you must be a heterosexual.'
'I am that! a heterosexual. That's amazin'!! You were able to find a' that oot, jist 'cos huv a strimmer.'
Excited to take the class now, Tam shakes the Lecturers's hand and leaves to meet Rab at the pub. He tells Rab about his classes, how he is signed up for Maths, English, History and Logic.
'Logic?' Rab says, 'Fit's at?'
Tam says, 'I'll show ye. Do you huv a strimmer?'
'No.'
'Weel then, ye must be a poof.'
27 March 2009
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Joe Kerr
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Peter invited his mother for dinner, during the course of the meal; his mother couldn't help but notice how lovely Peter's flat mate, Joanne, was.
She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Peter and his flat mate than met the eye.
Reading his mum's thoughts, Peter volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Joanne & I are just flat mates'.
About a week later, Joanne came to Peter saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the frying pan, you don't suppose she took it do you?
'Well I doubt it, but I'll e-mail her just to be sure' said Peter.
So he sat down and wrote
DEAR MOTHER,
I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DID' TAKE THE FRYING PAN FROM MY HOUSE. I'M NOT
SAYING THAT YOU 'DID NOT' TAKE THE FRYING PAN BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IT
HAS BEEN MISSING EVER SINCE YOU WERE HERE FOR DINNER.
LOVE PETER
Several days later, Peter received an email from his mother which read
DEAR SON,
I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DO' SLEEP WITH JOANNE, AND I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU
'DO NOT' SLEEP WITH JOANNE, BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IF SHE WAS SLEEPING IN
HER OWN BED, SHE WOULD HAVE FOUND THE F**KING FRYING PAN BY NOW.
LOVE MUM
Lesson of the day, - NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER
4 February 2009
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Sponge
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What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?
Eileen 
Thats the last one for now, I promise
2 February 2009 - Stromness
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Sponge
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Two cats had swimming race, the 1,2,3 cat and the une, deux, trois cat which one won?
The 1,2,3 cat because the une, deux, trois cat sank
2 February 2009 - Stromness
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Sponge
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Had a weird dream last night. I dreamt I was the author of Lord of the Rings.
Turned out I was Tolkien in my sleep.
2 February 2009 - stromness
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Glen
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Thanks to everyone who made the effor to attend the AGM and a special thanks to those who agreed to either join are stay on "the front line" for the coming season.
Here's to as much fun this coming year as we had last year!
26 January 2009
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Glen
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The Men's Section AGM is on the 25th of Jan at 2PM. Please pass the word. It would be good to ahve as large a turn out as possible.
12 January 2009
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Sponge
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What does a napkin say when it's not ready to play tennis?
Dont serviette
17 December 2008 - Stromness
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Sponge
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What is a Shih-Tzu?
One with no animals 
17 December 2008 - Stromness
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Joe Kerr
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THE ROOM WAS FULL OF PREGNANT WOMEN WITH THEIR PARTNERS.
THE CLASS WAS IN FULL SWING.
THE INSTRUCTOR WAS TEACHING THE WOMEN HOW TO BREATHE PROPERLY AND WAS TELLING THE MEN HOW TO GIVE THE NECESSARY ASSURANCE TO THEIR PARTNERS AT THIS STAGE OF THE PREGNANCY.
SHE SAID " LADIES, REMEMBER THAT EXERCISE IS GOOD FOR YOU.
WALKING IS ESPECIALLY BENEFICIAL. IT STRENGTHENS THE PELVIC MUSCLES AND WILL MAKE DELIVERY THAT MUCH EASIER!"
SHE LOOKED AT THE MEN IN THE ROOM, "AND GENTLEMEN, REMEMBER -- YOU'RE IN THIS TOGETHER --- IT WOULDN'T HURT YOU TO GO WALKING WITH HER."
THE ROOM SUDDENLY GOT VERY QUIET AS THE MEN ABSORBED THIS INFORMATION.
THEN A MAN AT THE BACK OF THE ROOM SLOWLY RAISED HIS HAND.
"YES?" ANSWERED THE TEACHER.
"I WAS JUST WONDERING. IS IT ALL RIGHT IF SHE CARRIES A GOLF BAG WHILE WE WALK?"
16 December 2008
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terry lee
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superbio news ... congrats to brian and helen... might even let up a bit on the robbie williams jokes for a while..... not
4 November 2008 - diss
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furry
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This weeks password HENDRY
Congrats to Brian and Helen on Kara's arrival
4 November 2008
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Glen
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A HUGE CONGRATULATIONS TO BRIAN AND HELEN ON THE ARRIVAL OF KARA CORSIE LAST NIGHT AT 10PM. 7LB 2.5OZ.
THE ARRIVAL OF A FUTURE LADIES GOLF CHAMPION?
POSSIBLY!
THE END OF A SINGLE FIGURE HANDICAP FOR BRIAN?
PROBABLY!!!!! 
4 November 2008
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Brian
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No worries Tim.
Glad to hear I'm promoting The Scotsman worldwide - maybe I should ask them for commission!
Good luck for the last 2 wks of the Fantasy Season. Your boy Allenby has done well for me this season. Won't mention Adam Scott tho!
24 October 2008
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Tim Smith
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Thanks to the Editor of this website for posting the Fantasy Golf code each week. We have a league in Australia and have found your website to be the only place that maintains this data, useful when The Sctosman's circulation doesn't reach this far.
22 October 2008 - Sydney, Australia
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Brian
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Ahh Tillicoultry as in 'Sterling, near Tillicoultry" as Dougie Donnelly would say!
To be fair if it was an Alloa strip hanging up in the back window then I wouldn't have assumed it was a Glasweign caravan 
Hope the repair bill sent to Lugsy was suitably large!
15 October 2008
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Ian
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RE:- I'm a Bad Golfer... Get me out of here! Glasweign couple !!! they come from Tillicoultry, that Shug in the photo.
6 October 2008 - Tillicoultry
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Brian
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And thanks to Glen & Dougie too for organising the team... which takes SOME doing!
16 September 2008
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Glen
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Just wanted to say a huge thank you to everybody who contributed to making last weekend such a roaring success (both on and off the course ).
Thanks to:
- Men's committee for the help in getting organised
- Doreen and the Ladies for the fantastic food on Sunday.
- Jean for working tirelessly all weekend to keep us fed & watered, plus Sonia and Tracy for their efforts too.
- The greenstaff for their efforts on the course which is looking better than ever!
- Hutch & Andy for their help on the OGC side
- Ralph & Marty for very generously sponsoring the shirts again
- Graeme & Ryan for organising the Shetland end
- All of the Shetland lads who made the effort to travel
- and finally all of the Orkney boys who played and won back the Viking Trophy for us!
See you all next year at Dale for what is undoubtedly the best weekend on the golfing calendar! 
Cheers,
Glen
16 September 2008 - Tuesday and still hungover!
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terry lee
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about time marlon..
2 September 2008 - diss
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