A "Tongue in Cheek" Summary of Qualifications for Internal League Teams

Below is listed the criteria for being able to play for the relevant teams in the ORFC Internal League :

Kirkwall - the only qualification to play for Kirkwall has been and always will be to live in Kirkwall. NO ROCKET SCIENCE THERE THEN!!

Westray - also fairly simple, literally. If you have the name Rendall, Harcus or Drever and come fae Westray you can play. Since these criteria were found to be too simple, again literally, a special initiation has also to be passed, if you can catch a ewe whilst wearing waders your in too. The Westray game plan is simple, in Geordie Trenabie’s own words " Wur plan is simple, its as simple as Erland but unlike Erland it might work".

Isles - to play for the Isles you must come fae an "island". The dictionary definition of which is " noun - piece of land completely surrounded by water"- therefore no matter how small eg Gairsay or how big eg North America, Pappa Scarf needs to hear fae ya! It has been noted however over that last few months that a new requisite appears to be necessary for you to play for the Isles. You have to have a facial disfigurement that looks like you were pulling a funny face when the wind changed to the North!
Not sure yet if the above is fact, therefore will need clarification, sorry.

West - nice and easy, again quite literally in most cases, here too. Originally you had to live West of Kirkwall. However as this appeared to be vague an extra criteria had to be introduced. Now as we all ken Gareth Davies is a very, very intelligent man, with an IQ of well in excess of 150 and he decided that anybody to play for his team would have to equal his IQ. Unfortunately a further amendment soon had to be made so that it read the whole XV had to have IQ "of about 150 total". One builder from West was once asked what colour is a red brick wall ? His answer "the colour of a red - brick crayon" Awhhh!

East - leaving East till last deliberately as this could take some time. Originally it was you had to live East of Kirkwall or in St Ola. HOWEVER, note the capital letters, new criteria meant that if you had a E, A, S or a T in your name you could also qualify. HOWEVER, this criteria also has had to be amended on several occasions and now the rule reads " if you know anybody with the letter E, A, S, or T in their name you qualify" eg Clint Eastwood is ok. In one instance wee Monty even allowed somebody that had watched an episode of Eastenders to play.